Kurt Donald Cobain (February 20, 1967 – April 5, 1994
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who
obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This
note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk
rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the,
shall we say, the ethics involved with independence and the embracement
of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the
excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading
and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about
these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and
the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in
which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love
and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and
envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't
fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people
off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I
feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on
stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,
God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I
and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of
those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too
sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I
once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better
appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our
music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and
empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I
simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking
sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why
don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who
sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of
what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets
because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me
to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of
Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've
become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age
of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only
because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only
because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all
from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and
concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I
don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn
out then to fade away.
Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going
Courtney, for Frances. for her life will be so much happier without me. I
LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU
[Note: towards the end of the message Cobain was quoting from Neil Young's 1979 song My My. Hey Hey:
My my, hey hey
Rock and roll is here to stay
It's better to burn out
Than to fade away
My my, hey hey.
Rock and roll is here to stay
It's better to burn out
Than to fade away
My my, hey hey.
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