Your Crowning Glory

Saint Cecilia

by Leo

Ancient Egyptians:
Mix some honey, beer, boiled wheat, and goat dung. Apply to your scalp. Baldness is an affliction directed from the gods. The goat dung will fool the gods into believing you are a goat and you will be "overlooked".  If that doesn't work, mix  iron, red lead, onion, alabaster and honey and consume after an  invocation to the sun god. If that doesn't work, use the fat taken from lions, hippo's, crocodiles, ibex, serpents and geese. Rub into the scalp habitually and let soak for several days at a time.

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The Celtic Druids:
Rub rosemary on the bald patch and then submerge your head 3 times in icy water. Go kill a red squirrel,  its long tail will act as the impetus for a flurry of hair growth.

 
Wiccan:
Light a candle the color of which you want your new hair to be. Drip the candle wax into a pot of boiling water bubbling over a fire. Mix some dirt into the mixture and chant. 



Ancient Chinese:
Catch a green grass snake and put it in a silk bag.  Pound the  reptile and mix with FoTi root. Boil  the mixture and put it under a full moon for 3 days. On the 4th day, smear the mix all over your scalp and leave it on for two nights and one day. This  will make your hair grow back, long, black and luxurious and you will never suffer from grayness.

Plains Indians:
Collect a batch of nettles, scorpions and millipedes.  Grind them all up, boil the resulting mixture and plaster your head with it.   Urine from a pregnant woman should be added for best results.

Other bizarre treatments:
Rub a mixture of curried vegetables into your scalp.
Take a stroll to the nearest farm and get a thorough licking from a cow!