1994
1.1: I took Jesse in town by train to see the Mummer's Parade. It was a first for both of us and very enjoyable. We met Colleen in there and had something to eat at the Irish Pub.
2.18: Beautiful Sunny Day. Went to thrift store with my sister. Had severe panic attack and had to leave. Go home to find door locked and me with no key. Jimmied the lock through the mail slot with a pliable strip of metal that was on the porch. Meanwhile, in my attempt to get in, the panic dissipated and I was fine. We went back to the thrift store.
2.23: Snow Sleet & Rain. Slight panic attack on bridge on my way to Geri's house. It was mostly mental with racing brain and depressing thoughts. Felt completely alone in the world. On my own. Had insight, realization, that I am a servant. My lot in life is to be a servant. I could dress this up and make it sound honorable and righteous but I won't. Bad enough being a servant, why opt for hypocrite too.
2.25: Had dinner at Sean and Joanne's. Nancy Kerrigan won a silver medal. Watched cone heads. Fell asleep, all three of us; Jesse, me and John at Sean's house.
2.26: Took Jesse to clay class. Went grocery shopping. Babysat Sami and she slept over.
2.27: Sunny and very cold. Went to movies with John, Jesse and Sami-cakes. Carol, David, Sean and Joanne had dinner with us.
2.28: Sunny and very cold. Cleaned up around the house. Felt depressed about gaining weight. Smoked two cigarettes. Felt sick and panicky afterward.
3.5: Had Kate and Bill and their two sons over for dinner. Jesse missed clay class. John had to work. Jesse and Caroline went to the Yeadon movie to see "Sister Act II.
3.6: Went to Delaware, Tri State Mall with Sean and Joanne. John got his fishing boots, Waders.
3.7: Went to thrift store. I am bothered by the amount of weight I have gained. I laugh about it but it really isn't funny. Must lose at least ten pounds before Italy. How?
3.23: Off we go into the wild blue yonder.
3.25: 7AM WAKE UP. 7:45 Breakfast. 8:30 Departure City Tour
3.26: Dad's Vest 24, 900 lire. Dinner 25,000 lire.
11.21: Geraldine Died.
11.22: Jesse's photographs at Sears.
11.23: Geri's memorial service and funeral.
11.24: Thanksgiving
11.26: John, Sean and Matt hunting trip.
11.29: Jesse sees a ghost in our hallway.
12.2: Had SVT at 10 PM. Took 80 mg Inderol. Lasted ten minutes.
12.3: NAUSEA
12.4: NAUSEA
12.5: NAUSEA Saw doctor for my stomach. Had EKG. HEART FINE.
